July 5, 2017
I have a tendency to get stuck.
Sometimes, when I’m overwhelmed, I become paralyzed. There are too many thoughts swirling in my brain and I just can’t not think about all of the things which are not perfect in my life. I drop a cereal bowl, it breaks, and suddenly I cannot stop thinking about how, after six years of full time school, I still haven’t managed to graduate college. I can’t find a shirt and I end up in a puddle of tears on the floor because my home isn’t clean enough.
I turn molehills into mountains. I let my thoughts control me. I catastrophize sometimes.
The past few weeks have been marked by tears, overreactions, and dreaming up debilitating disasters over mere speed-bumps. I spent too much time in my head. I drove everyone crazy and I exhausted myself.
Today, I went on a walk and soaked in the sunshine. I took my vitamins and drank the recommended amount of water. I turned my phone on silent. I listened to music and I filled the pages of my journal with fears and anxieties, thanksgiving and dreams. I used my essential oils. I drank another cup of coffee and I painted my toenails. I took some deep breaths and reoriented myself.
The disaster is still there: the stress, the fears, the anxiety. It hasn’t gone anywhere. But it’s all different now.
The disaster is still there, but so are the trees.
And so am I.
And this is where Grace lives.